Sunday, this man was at my church. His name is Carlos Whittaker. I told you a few months ago about his book "Moment Maker". Well, my church staff decided to have him come speak. I'm so glad they did! I have admired Carlos' stuff for a while. He is a worship leader who travels the world. And now, on top of husband, father, worship leader, he adds author & speaker to his list of accomplishments.
What I like about him is that he is real and authentic. He is honest and up front like me. I have to admit though, I feel as if I haven't been totally honest with you guys. God has really moved in my heart and I realize just how far away I was from Him. Yes, I was still praying, reading my Bible, and attending church, but I did not have God or His ideas in the very front of my heart like I should have. I've turned around now. I am so sorry for not living the way that I knew I should have been. I have always been honest on this blog, so I don't feel like I lied to anyone, but I feel like I was only partly real. Does that make sense?
It is hard to describe what I've been through the past 24 hours. I just know that I am better off for it. I know that God has me and and I have Him where I should. I'm not perfect, never will be. I do not think that's what God is looking for either. He just wants the Jill that He knows and loves to do the things she knows is right. He just wants me to let Him have full control of my life and stop taking things back. I say I trust Him, then I do crap that proves I'm not trusting Him.
That's just not smart on my end.
Carlos' message Sunday and some decisions I made caused me to take a good hard look at myself. I was in a mess and didn't even realize it. I trust God with so many pieces of my life, but pick and chose what I want to hold on to. That wasn't working. I'm fully surrendered now. I see where I went wrong. I'm correcting it and don't plan on ever doing it again. My heart can't take the hurt it has felt. I can not hurt God's heart anymore either.
Tomorrow I will tell you about Carlos' message. You don't want to miss it.