I grew up in church. My mom and I went the most. I don't remember hearing how much God loved me growing up. I knew about Jesus, but not of His love. At 15 I met a boy, and got out of church. I did things I am not proud of, but I was searching like we all do. I didn't return to church for years. I missed out on the youth group experience and having friends to keep me strong.
I met my now ex husband and we got married young, at the age of 19. During our third year of marriage, I had two miscarriages. The first one wasn't terrible, I was only a few weeks along. Later that same year, I got pregnant again. At 2 months I was having some issues, we found out it was twins. We were so excited! They were fraternal twins, so I had two of everything.
At almost 15 weeks, I was in terrible pain and started bleeding. We met the doctor in the ER and he thought I would lose one baby and keep the other. They gave me some medicine and admitted me for the weekend. When I got to the floor upstairs, an office worker came in to give me another arm band. I had to wait through a pain until I could let her put it on. She left and came back in with a nurse who said, "I think you are in labor, we need to get you to the mother baby floor." That hit me like a ton of bricks. I told my mom and husband at the time, "If I lose these babies, you will have to send me to the crazy floor, because I will not be able to handle it."
Well, the ultrasound showed I was losing both babies. I had been praying in vain for God to let me keep just one. That prayer was not being answered. I ended up being put to sleep. Let me tell you something, when I woke up, I was at total PEACE over what happened. Somehow, in that medicated induced sleep, God stepped in. He intervened on my behalf and poured out a huge amount of peace on me. It was overwhelming.
Right then, I knew God was with me, and after I recovered, I got back in church, rededicated my life to Christ and haven't looked back. That was in 1996.
God has gotten me through even more terrible moments since then. I didn't want a divorce, but after 19 years of marriage, he did. God got me through it. I've been healed and made whole by standing firm in my faith and knowing that God has me. He loves you just the same. He will never leave or forsake you. NOTHING you do or have done will make Him love you any less. He's just amazing like that.