This afternoon, I just wasn't feeling it. Instead of looking at the rain as a gift from God, or cleansing, or whatever.. I feel like I'm hearing whispers of how I'm not good enough.
My house isn't clean enough, my kids fuss about doing their school work, I'm so over weight that my foot is hurt from walking around Greenville, SC and Atlanta all weekend. Just one thing after another.
On days like today, I'm thankful for my tattoo. It is a reminder that Jesus loves me, NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what lies I hear in my ear, He loves me. Jesus doesn't expect me to be perfect, so why do I expect it? Maybe I don't want to let people down? Maybe I want to be the best wife and mom that my family deserves?
God is not performance based. I used to think He was. I thought if I jumped through this hoop, and spun around that way, He'd love me more. That's just not true. NOTHING we do can make God love us any less or any more. NOTHING.
Maybe I'm thinking the same about my family? Maybe I think if my house was spotless and my kids obeyed when I tell them something the first time that it makes them love me more?
I've got to do better than that. I love them no matter what... and I'm sure they feel the same about me. Some days, it's just hard to see/feel.
One more day of rain ahead and maybe when the sun comes out I'll feel better.
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